Unspoken words have been spoken.
Heartbreaking frequencies have been sent out from my mouth.
This love has been broken and mended and broken over and over and I can't seem to differentiate between the two any more.
I feel as though my heart has no stability, no solidarity, no stronghold. I feel as though it's just floating, suspended by fishing line so thin and invisible that I have started to believe it isn't even there anymore.
I want to start over, to be with him again. But I'm terrified that that isn't right. I'm terrified of disobeying God again and having to go through this a second time.
He has been left on the curb, his heart still loyally pumping for me. And it's all my fault.
God it's just not fair. It just seems completely backwards that I am the only one who felt this push from God... this undeniable push towards greater things.
God please let it be that he just isn't mature enough yet. Please let it just be that right now you have a different plan for me, but he will be back. Please let it be that this isn't the end of us forever.
To have to turn away from someone you love because you are realizing and being shown that they aren't right for you is one of the most heart-breaking things I have ever had to endure. To have to try and explain to them why you can't be together even though you want to be is unspeakably difficult. To have to actually tell them that "its not you" it's just how God made us and that we don't fit is unthinkably heartbreaking.
I can't go on further.
I can't describe what this feels like. It's like torment. And it's getting exhausting. And I don't know what to do.
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