When I think of you, I think of patience and gentleness; strength and humility; romance and sweetness. When I imagine your smile, it's one that sends shivers up and down my spine. When I think of our children, I think about how much they are going to adore you. I play our wedding over in my head and imagine you carrying me over the threshold. When I imagine you, I smile at your wild side and the way you can always make me laugh. When I try to figure out what your voice sounds like, it's always different, but always warms the very depths of my heart. I see you smiling at me like I'm somehow the prettiest thing you've ever seen and I want so badly to know who you are...
Darling, whoever you are, wherever you are, and whatever you're doing... Know that there is a part of my heart reserved just for you. There is a part of my heart that has never been touched by human hands that I'm dusting off and cleaning out just for you, my one love, my unknown other half.
I already love you.
I always will.
Friday, May 29, 2015
Monday, May 18, 2015
There You Go
Here I lie
With head held high
in the mist of the moon
and the sun coming soon
Here I sit
with my heart in a fit
in the heat of the sun
and my hair in a bun
Here I smile
with my mind in your file
in the bloom of the trees
and the buzz of the bees
Here I think
with my hands in the sink
in the grime of our meal
and the joy that I feel
Here I pray
with only tears left to say
in the haze of the dust
and the church bench crust
There you go
with your spirit aglow
in the light of your dreams
and my heart torn at the seams.
With head held high
in the mist of the moon
and the sun coming soon
Here I sit
with my heart in a fit
in the heat of the sun
and my hair in a bun
Here I smile
with my mind in your file
in the bloom of the trees
and the buzz of the bees
Here I think
with my hands in the sink
in the grime of our meal
and the joy that I feel
Here I pray
with only tears left to say
in the haze of the dust
and the church bench crust
There you go
with your spirit aglow
in the light of your dreams
and my heart torn at the seams.
I choose you
It will be difficult, but not impossible.
It will be stressful, but I am being more and more reassured that it will be worth it.
A man like him, with his character and integrity and gentle, yet strong sense of duty... you don't just give up on someone like that because of distance.
I cannot express how he makes me feel, the things he makes me want to get better at and the things he challenges me to think about. And for anyone who knows me, they know that this is a very rare phenomenon: not being able to pinpoint how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.
He draws the breath right out of me and holds it captive just long enough for me to feel lightheaded and wonderful and then blows it all back into me in a rush of joy and excitement.
He has begun a process of focus and concentration within me; a process of learning more and more about my savior and knowing who he truly is.
He has done this all in slow motion, slower than I ever would have thought to breathe, but it was perfect timing. My breathing has slowed, rather than quickened. It has become rhythmic and steady, controlled and dependable. It has become lovely.
Him leaving will be just another change, another challenge we face. Granted, it will be the first true challenge we face and it will be a big one. It will test our commitment, our trust, our devotion... it will stretch us beyond the finish line that we foresaw and towards a new one, further into the distance.
Everything God has shown me about him has been nothing but encouraging. Even his hotheadedness and his habit of making everything a formula in his mind. Even those things have proven to be of worth in showing me his humanness and that he too falls short of the glory of our God.
When he is not physically here, I will be hurting. There is no doubt. I will struggle to feel loved by him in the way I know best. My body will ache to be in his arms as deeply as my heart will ache to connect to his. But I welcome that ache. I welcome that pang as a reminder of what he means to me. If there was no pang, if there was no ache, it would not be worth it.
He can rest easy knowing that I have confidence in my ability to learn his language. I desire to understand how he hears and processes my language. I am willing to be made willing by our God when I do not feel so willing on my own.
This little write-up might not seem as calculated or as organized as his thoughts probably are, but as much as I want to speak his way, that's also just not me.
This is me telling you that I think you are worth it.
This is me telling you that I am willing.
This is me telling you that I'm not going down without a fight.
This is me telling you that I've already accepted whatever choice you are going to make and that no matter where you end up, I still want YOU.
It will be stressful, but I am being more and more reassured that it will be worth it.
A man like him, with his character and integrity and gentle, yet strong sense of duty... you don't just give up on someone like that because of distance.
I cannot express how he makes me feel, the things he makes me want to get better at and the things he challenges me to think about. And for anyone who knows me, they know that this is a very rare phenomenon: not being able to pinpoint how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.
He draws the breath right out of me and holds it captive just long enough for me to feel lightheaded and wonderful and then blows it all back into me in a rush of joy and excitement.
He has begun a process of focus and concentration within me; a process of learning more and more about my savior and knowing who he truly is.
He has done this all in slow motion, slower than I ever would have thought to breathe, but it was perfect timing. My breathing has slowed, rather than quickened. It has become rhythmic and steady, controlled and dependable. It has become lovely.
Him leaving will be just another change, another challenge we face. Granted, it will be the first true challenge we face and it will be a big one. It will test our commitment, our trust, our devotion... it will stretch us beyond the finish line that we foresaw and towards a new one, further into the distance.
Everything God has shown me about him has been nothing but encouraging. Even his hotheadedness and his habit of making everything a formula in his mind. Even those things have proven to be of worth in showing me his humanness and that he too falls short of the glory of our God.
When he is not physically here, I will be hurting. There is no doubt. I will struggle to feel loved by him in the way I know best. My body will ache to be in his arms as deeply as my heart will ache to connect to his. But I welcome that ache. I welcome that pang as a reminder of what he means to me. If there was no pang, if there was no ache, it would not be worth it.
He can rest easy knowing that I have confidence in my ability to learn his language. I desire to understand how he hears and processes my language. I am willing to be made willing by our God when I do not feel so willing on my own.
This little write-up might not seem as calculated or as organized as his thoughts probably are, but as much as I want to speak his way, that's also just not me.
This is me telling you that I think you are worth it.
This is me telling you that I am willing.
This is me telling you that I'm not going down without a fight.
This is me telling you that I've already accepted whatever choice you are going to make and that no matter where you end up, I still want YOU.
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