I choose you

It will be difficult, but not impossible.
It will be stressful, but I am being more and more reassured that it will be worth it.

A man like him, with his character and integrity and gentle, yet strong sense of duty... you don't just give up on someone like that because of distance.

I cannot express how he makes me feel, the things he makes me want to get better at and the things he challenges me to think about.  And for anyone who knows me, they know that this is a very rare phenomenon: not being able to pinpoint how I am feeling and why I am feeling that way.

He draws the breath right out of me and holds it captive just long enough for me to feel lightheaded and wonderful and then blows it all back into me in a rush of joy and excitement.

He has begun a process of focus and concentration within me; a process of learning more and more about my savior and knowing who he truly is.

He has done this all in slow motion, slower than I ever would have thought to breathe, but it was perfect timing.  My breathing has slowed, rather than quickened.  It has become rhythmic and steady, controlled and dependable. It has become lovely.

Him leaving will be just another change, another challenge we face. Granted, it will be the first true challenge we face and it will be a big one.  It will test our commitment, our trust, our devotion... it will stretch us beyond the finish line that we foresaw and towards a new one, further into the distance.

Everything God has shown me about him has been nothing but encouraging.  Even his hotheadedness and his habit of making everything a formula in his mind.  Even those things have proven to be of worth in showing me his humanness and that he too falls short of the glory of our God.

When he is not physically here, I will be hurting.  There is no doubt.  I will struggle to feel loved by him in the way I know best.  My body will ache to be in his arms as deeply as my heart will ache to connect to his.  But I welcome that ache.  I welcome that pang as a reminder of what he means to me.  If there was no pang, if there was no ache, it would not be worth it.

He can rest easy knowing that I have confidence in my ability to learn his language.  I desire to understand how he hears and processes my language.  I am willing to be made willing by our God when I do not feel so willing on my own.

This little write-up might not seem as calculated or as organized as his thoughts probably are, but as much as I want to speak his way, that's also just not me.

This is me telling you that I think you are worth it.
This is me telling you that I am willing.
This is me telling you that I'm not going down without a fight.
This is me telling you that I've already accepted whatever choice you are going to make and that no matter where you end up,  I still want YOU.