Dear Future Husband: Get Ready for the Ride of Your Life

Dear Future Husband,

First of all, I love you.

Second of all, there are a few things you need to know about me.

I am not going to always do everything the way you like it, and that's not on purpose.  I will never do something you hate knowingly or out of spite (sometimes I might, and that will be wrong, and I am sorry), but those things will happen.  I don't understand everything that goes on in your mind, but I want to and I will try to, and I won't stop trying until my last breath leaves my lungs.

I want you to know that you will have all of me.  Unconditionally.  Or as unconditionally as my conditional, human heart can allow.

Thank you for loving our Savior.  Thank you for showing me who He is everyday and for leading me closer to Him.  It's because of this that I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

I am praying for you, although sometimes I get so caught up in the ways of the world that I forget that you actually exist.  I'm sorry for that.  I hope that you are praying for me, too.

I can't wait to spend hours with you doing nothing and seconds with you doing everything under the sun.  I can't wait to pick out our first house and get a dog and have kids and live happily ever after in our broken, sometimes-terrifying, life together.  I can't wait to watch you teach our kids how to love their mother.  I can't wait to cook your favorite meal and have it all ready for you when you get home from work (although my plans will most likely be thwarted by my carelessness in forgetting to take the roast out of the oven or leaving salt out entirely).

But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I need you to know that I am not perfect.  I am struggling now.  I have flaws that I will need to tell you all about and that will be hard for me to express to you.  I am really scared of that actually.  Please forgive me for the things I have done and the things I am struggling with even now, before I know who you truly are.  Please have enough love and mercy to take me in your arms after I pour all of my secrets and lies and failures onto you to gently tell me you still love me and that that will never change.

I know that you have failed as well.  And I know that you will continue to fail, sometimes even at the same things, over and over again.  I still love you, and I always will.  Now, I'm not just going to let it all slide, either.  I wouldn't be doing my job as your wife if I did not gently nudge you towards righteousness and dignity; towards integrity and purity.  I will do everything in my power to continuously remind you of who you are: a strong, courageous son of our incredible Creator.

You will never know how much I want to make you happy; how much I want to give you everything a man could desire in a wife and mother of his children.  I am not mature enough to do that yet, but I will be, and when I am, you can bet that I won't hold anything back.  My love for you will be unbreakable, because it will be rooted in Christ.  My love for you will be unshakable, because Christ is unshakable and, with you as my leader, I will stay unshaken from Him.

So, my love, wherever you are right now, whatever you are doing; whatever language you speak, whatever color your hair is (at the moment); whatever you have failed at (over and over again), and whatever flaws you may develop in our future together, know this:  I forgive you, I love you, and I can't wait to meet you.

With all of my heart,
Your Future Wife

There is no such thing as inner-born beauty.

There's something so magical about breathing in your surroundings.  To know that the air you breathe  in is a little piece of God's creation is strange.  It's strange because we aren't used to all that beauty being sucked in with one 3 inch rise of our rib cage.  We aren't used to that beauty starting from within.  We don't get that privilege.  The beauty within us had to be put there.  So every breath we take is a miracle itself, if we allow it to be.

Understanding that good is not born from the pits of our stomachs or the nooks of our brains, and not from the shallow depths of our hearts or the pitiful heights of our spirits is vital to understanding our purpose, our mission, our lives.  The good within us is placed in the pits of our stomachs. It is squeezed into the crannies of our minds.  It is buried into the depths of our hearts.  It is lifted up to the heights of our spirits.  The good within us is indeed within us... But it was not born there.

Hiding, Sleeping, Wishing, Waiting.

Hiding in the shadows, half there and half here

Hiding in the shadows, half courage and half fear.

Waiting in the silence, for what? I do not know.

Waiting in the silence, though silence hurts me so.

Forever I am haunted, by things that are unseen

Forever I am haunted, from all around and in between.

Sleeping in the stillness, hoping to awake

Sleeping in the stillness, paralyzed at the stake.

Drifting in the current, towards cloudy nothingness

Drifting in the current, oh what a muddled mess.

Seeking for an answer, but none quite fit the problem

Seeking for an answer, or someone who can solve them.

Wishing I could tell you, how my brain explodes

Wishing I could tell you, how my heart implodes

Betting on a promise, that was never made

Betting on a promise, hoping it won't fade.

Finishing my journey, beside the turquoise sea

Finishing my journey, into eternity.