The Power of Knowledge

You're better than this.
Whatever it is that you keep telling yourself... it's wrong.
You can do better.
You will do better.
You can defeat the things that overwhelm you.
Not by yourself, no never.
But with the Lord, anything is possible.

But dang it's hard.

I keep having to tell myself over and over and over again that God is bigger than anything I could possibly be going through.
He is bigger than anything I can imagine happening to me.
He is bigger.
He is stronger.
And He is SO real.

It's so hard being on your own.
Having to fight for yourself and not having someone else to turn to other than God.
Okay, that's not really true. I have so much support.

I need to realize that it's not up to me.
IT never was and it never will be.
I need to remember that relief is present and relief is coming.
I want to do that again. I want to remember.

Sometimes my thoughts are so disjointed from what I am portraying to be me.
Sometimes my emotions don't match up with the situation and sometimes who I AM is not what everyone else sees.

I am blindly trusting God.
Not because I doubt that He will always hold me close but because right now, I can't feel Him holding me close.
But I know the Truth.
The Truth that He will NEVER leave me.

It doesn't matter if I don't feel it or believe it at the moment, I know that it's true.
And if I know that, I will always have a foundation that will not falter.

Yea, it actually makes no sense at all.
It sounds completely backwards and upside down and downright idiotic to blindly trust something that I cannot see, cannot feel at the moment and cannot believe in at times.
But that's what's so beautiful about it.

I have a tendency to throw myself at people and things anyway. I tend to overly trust people and ideas and concepts, to the extent that it can hurt me.
And in this one case its the best thing God could have ever given me.
He is the one thing I know will NEVER fail me, the one person who I KNOW will always call me back when I break his heart over and over again.
That itself is humbling.

Knowledge is so underrated and misunderstood.
Knowledge can be one of the best tools to have, which might sound weird coming from someone who just said leaping into the Love of God blindly is one of the most freeing things you can do.
Knowledge, and I don't mean book knowledge, can help to separate the twisted, murky, lustful, hating, jealous emotions and thoughts from the truth.
Because in the end, it's the TRUTH that matters.

It's the trust in the knowledge that God's kingdom is being furthered by your actions, if you are in fact pursuing Christ, whether you feel passionate in them or not.
Whether you are happy while doing them or not. Whether you can say with all honesty that you love what you're doing.
Trusting that what Jesus said, that in the end the Kingdom of God will prevail, will never lead you astray, even if you FEEL it has.

I will be the first to tell you that emotions can distort your perception of everything and that they can mess with your mind and they can skew what you know.
But I'm learning the importance of Truth.
I'm learning the importance of being able to hold on to the knowledge that God will prevail no matter how many new emotions I discover I am capable of and no matter how many destructive things they cause me to do.

It is with undying trust in the knowledge of my beautiful Savior that I leap into His love and protection. It is with determined faith that, in the end, I know joy will be in my heart for eternity.